| im going to change |
[02 Mar 2006|06:55pm] |
well adam went to pr for a week and i already miss him alot i hope he has tons of fun lol that sounded weird!!!
anyways since he left i told me self im going to change my bodys look its ew thats all i have to say im fat and ugly and that needs to change and its going to and im ganna do it my way and im not telling u what that way is....
everythings fine ME AND ADAM ARE DOING GREAT no fighting no hitting no nothing just a bunch of happiness and im so happy to be back with him!!!
well i think thats a good update i g2g moms getting mad that im on the computer
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| just something i wrote comment!!!! |
[20 Dec 2005|04:29pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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this pain is to much
this is why i cry every night
i dont no why i love u so much
i kno u were there for me most of the time
but baby why
why did u have to take that part of me away
the part of me that was in love with u
why did u have to ruin it
why did i suffer
blood all over
cuts up and down
baby heal me make it go away
ur the only one who can!
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[20 Dec 2005|04:22pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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you took away a part of me
when u left me on the floor 2 bleed
u sat and laughed at me
i thoughtu were different
i thought u were better than what you actually were
i cant believe i gave away a part of me 2 u.
~*ashley*~
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[20 Dec 2005|04:15pm] |
u were the one who kept me alive u were the one who kept me breathing. u are the one i love, u are the one i never wanna leave.
baby u make me smile and laugh and feel good about myself.
u were the one i would turn to for help. baby i love u and will always love u!!!!!!
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| me |
[20 Dec 2005|02:41pm] |
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~me~
walking into the darkness
i can see the fear
i can hear the cries
and i feel the sorrow.
im alone in this world
to walk on my own
nothing to hold
nothing to be.
i fear to be left here alone.
this poem was written by ashley tobin! thats me lol
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| hey |
[15 Dec 2005|05:48pm] |
hey everyone whats up im back and updating my lj cuz i feel like it anyways im happy i have a boyfriend and yea i feel so much better now that i have someone to hold and kiss and all that good stuff so0o whats good everyone?????
well im ok things could be better tho not doing so good in school but im trying my hardest to pass for the year and go into senior year well g2g hope everything is good wit everyone else comment to let me no whats new and whats up!!!
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| well well well....... |
[13 Dec 2005|09:48pm] |
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well me and delvie broke up we've been broken up for a long while and now i like someone else cough justin cough lol well everythings good and dandy and all that failing to classes and thats basicly it........
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[04 Nov 2005|06:46pm] |
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well life has been good latley and things are just going good i feel more alive then i ever did before!! im not with adam anymore and shit like that now i have a new man and im happy with who im with (delvie) thats bascly it so yea happy me!!!
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[11 Sep 2005|08:44pm] |
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well im with adam still its almost 5yrs and now were having problems!!! i mean i cant talk to him about things idk y i just can i mean i never have anything to talk to him anyone have any advice or idea on what to talk about i really need it!!!!!!
I NEED HELP I LOVE HIM to much to lose him becuzs i cant talk to him!!!!
anyways idk what to do idk if i want to be with him becuz i feel like im bad for him if anyone no's wat i mean but i feel like im losing him slowly every day were together i feel so empty knowing i might lose him i feel like im losing him just idk i feel so idk i cant explain it!! its hard im losing my mind becuz im thinking all these wrong things!!! and i jsut dont want to
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH I DONT KNO WHAT TO DO!!!
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| hey hey hey yall!!!!!!!!!!!! |
[06 Sep 2005|06:28pm] |
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music |
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lloyd _hey young gurl_ |
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well today was my first day bac to school and it went ok!!!!!!!
anyways my schedual is good i think but this year has to be diff no cutting no nothing just good grades!!!!!!
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[01 Sep 2005|07:12pm] |
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ok so nm is new tiff if u read this im srry about wat i wrote it was just how i was feeling i still wanna be friends but i dought u wanna am i right well i hope u can forgive me and im srry
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| idk what to do i need help!!!!!!!!!!?????? |
[31 Aug 2005|11:33am] |
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mood |
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cold |
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well adam came bac from flordia and i saw him the next day and we both agreed to go bac out but i had to make some changes about my self which i dont want to mention anyways so we talked and agreed to go bac out then things were fine between us everything was working out JUST FINE untill adam got a phone call from some girl who he likes a lil bit and this girl asked him out and now he doesnt no if he wants to be with me or her and this girl that im not nameing ruined everything between me and him now i feel like i cant talk to him becuz no matter what i say i mess things up im afraid to talk to him im afraid he will leave me for her!!! i mean i understand why he likes her she beautiful and im not and shes nice and she has the hole package basicly but iv been with him my hole life basicly and now i feel like its slowly blowing into peices and my heart is slowly braking. i cant stress to him how much he means to me and how much i love him!!!!
hes changed me givin me a hole new look on life he makes me happy and now i have a feeling thats going to end and i dont want it to becuz i love the way i feel around him and everything. if he leaves me things will never be the same ever, and i kno there is no one out there for me i dont want anyone else i WANT HIM!! he is just everything to me he helped me thro so much of my shit even tho it messed his life up he was still there for me and he still cared for me and now its ending!! its all leaving me day by day!!! i promise not to be such a fucked up person anymore i promise i'll change i promise no more problems!!!
i feel like im ganna die i feel like complete shit right now i just dont no what to do i just cant do this anymore i dont want to feel like im trying to compete for the man that i love i dont want that!! he MEAN THE WORLD TO ME and now that world is slowly blowing away!!!
i need help i dont know what to do about this anymore i just dont im trying not to let it bother me i say fuck it but i just idk it still bothers me and me and this girl were friends and i thought we still were and now she wants my man and i dont want that i mean yes it might be for the best of them both and maybe he needs a big change maybe she will change his life for the better maybe he'll be more happy with her and if he chooses her im just ganna have to get over it i guess right???
well i g2g if anyone can give me a new out look on this please HELP
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[24 Aug 2005|01:23am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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COLD stupid girl |
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well things are ok i think i mean im a lil cunfused about my relationship wit adam i mean i love him to death i really do and its so hard to be away from him and i just no hes the one i want to be with i kno there are alot of guys out there but i dont want to find them and i dont want to deal with geting broken again i kno it happens and its a part of life but its different when im with adam all my problems seem to just fade away from me and i juts stop thinking about all the bad stuff and i think about him and how cring and loving he is to me and how much i mean to him!!!!
i kno i might be to young to kno what love feels like but i kno im feeling it and i kno its totaly real!! idc what any one says to me i just dont have the ppl i kno dont even understand what it feels like to feel like this or they just dont kno why im still with adam i mean still talking to him but hes the one im telling u hes the one i want to be with for the rest of my life!!!
anyways back to some other topic iv done something i shouldnt have and im not saying what becuz some ppl i kno would get very mad at me so i just wanna leave it at that srry all but u cant no im srry im not ready to say but i do have my reasons to have done it and i srry if there not good enough for u or for u to understand! lets just say music makes me bleed!! im srry i am no wait im not srry for what iv done and never will be im not hurting anyone else but me and thats how it is and im srry so fuck off if u have a problem.
still havnt gotten my schedual for school wit i should get it tomorrow or wensday-friday so who no i really wnna no who my teachers are tho!!
well im ganna go now ttyl love ya all!!
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[22 Aug 2005|07:20am] |
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i feel like shit!!
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| my fav lyrics |
[19 Aug 2005|12:11pm] |
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mood |
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cold |
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music |
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bleed by cold |
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bleed by cold
im feelin crossed i take it inside
burn up the pain my thoughts r strange
just like the things i used to love
just like the tree that fell i heard it
if art is still inside i feel it
i wanna bleed show the world all that i have inside
i wanna scream let the blood flow that keeps me alive
take all the those strings they call my veins
wrap them around every fucken think
presence of people not for me
well i must remain in tune forever
my love is music i will marry melody
wopnt you let me take you for a ride
you can stop the world try to change my mind
wont you let me show you how it feels
you can stop the world but you
wont change me
i need music to set me free
to let me bleed
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[18 Aug 2005|10:35am] |
just something i wrote
thoughts of suicide run through my mind
pain runs through my vains,
anger reaches its highest point
thoughts of suicide run through my mind
taking the blade into my hands,
cutting the surface making me bleed
watching the blood pouring and dripping into a puddle
thoughts of suicide run through my mind!!
i kno this isnt really good but its just something in my head and something iv been needing to get out! srry if it bothers u guys
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| well |
[09 Aug 2005|12:44am] |
well im at my best friends house her name is julie and were hanging out!! well really its a sleepover as u can tell lol well where going to six flags tomorrow for her b-day CANT FUCKEN WAIT SO MUCH FUNN!!!! julie if ur ganan read this read the comment i left in ur lj!! please!!!
anyways my summer was ok could have been better went on vaca in virginia beach had fun but yea ALOT OF HOTTTTT GUYZ THERE may i add!!
well im miss adam alot i mean i kno we been broken up for two months but hey i love the guy i mean i never felt this way about anyone before its a great feeling and i love it!! its a fuzzy happy feeling!!
well i g2g more later bye love u all
HAPPY SWEAT 16 JULIE!!
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[25 May 2005|09:23pm] |
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things are going good for me still need to study for my permit but havnt gotten around to it i really should i think im going to do that now lol nothing to really update on so i guess ima go tty ppl later!
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[21 May 2005|09:38pm] |
well its saturday and im at julies im spending the night yay and jess is here to im so fricken happy i get to be with my friends!!!
well anyways this week has been going ok n my weekend has been great!!1 but i g2g back to work i mean working in school meaning gatta get my grades up and everything because my 5 week report wasnt so good!! well anyway im ganna go because its rude being on the computer while at someone elses house so i'll right more tomorrow!! peace and love to all!!
~ash~
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coldandlonly's journal
